Grazing.

Cows do it and I guess I will too. I have always been one to eat all day. Every few minutes. Or few hours. I felt the need to be chewing, or nibbling or hell even devouring something. That's a part of who I am. It won't change I just have to admit it CAN be an issue and change it slightly.

Hello. My name is Valecia. And I. I am a grazer.

Generally with a day at the restaurant. (I'm a waitress/manager) It's some a pancake, a glass of chocolate milk, some fries (with mayo and hot sauce or ketchup and ranch), chicken strips, or a burger. All day until I go home and say, "Baby...what's for dinner?" Not knowing that I have probably went over my day's allotment of calories before I even punched out and came home. FYI I generally stop at Mrs. Fields' for a cookie or Target for a snickers on my way home from work. It makes my fight with public transportation a bit easier.  Until yesterday.....

So I became conscious of my grazing and realized it was a big part of who I was and I wasn't going to stop it. I was just going to get far better at it. Yesterday morning I got to work a bit early so I could enjoy a bowl of mixed fruit (cantaloupe, honeydew melon, banana slices and red grapes) topped with strawberry go-gurt and a low-fat granola. As the customers came in in droves and waitressing kicked into gear I found myself hungry about two hours later. My choice? Half a cup of fruit. Two hours later? A side salad topped with two ounces of salsa and 2 tablespoons of light ranch. Two more? A bowl of cream of potato soup topped with a light sprinkle of cheddar and a tablespoon of sour cream. With that I had finally made it through the work day. I steered clear of Mrs. Fields and Target for the obvious reasons. I came home and snacked on an apple. When the scary question of dinner arose for me and the beau he immediately said, "Hamburger and fries". Which lit up in my head turkey burger and baked sweet potato fries. Oh and a tasty side salad.

It was a very difficult day but I made it. One day at a time. In a restaurant full of greasiness. I made it as an unhealthy grazer on the pattern to reform. I'm proud of yesterday...now onto today.

A new beginning

260.1 It's a new beginning. It's a number. It doesn't define me or own me. But it is currently what I weigh. It sucks but this number is temporary it will lessen in time. It won't be a fast process, but it will happen 260.1 is just a beginning of an amazing road!

facing the situation...

I stopped blogging here for a few reasons.

• I wanted to lose weight, but I was happy being a plus sized girl. Honestly I have no real life desire to weigh less than 185.
• Most of my followers were past 185 headed to even smaller numbers and I felt lame for not wanting to weigh less than that.
• Real life got in the way.
• I didn't have the stick to it ness
• I was lazy about the weight loss therefore what did I really have to blog about?
• I made myself take on this "I am more than just a number" train of thought that made me actually not give a crap.

Which leads me to the final one.

• I honestly stopped trying

 I am now 29 years old. And as much as I rushed around feeling as if I I had all the time in the world to do all the things I wanted with 30 looming around the corner.....I simply don't. I want happiness, and a family and if I don't control my weight, and health which means controlling my PCOS I will never have babies and never be a mother. Even though I have always claimed I didn't like kids honestly that piece of reality is earth shattering to me. So today I begin the change. Because I want to. Have to. Need to. It's way past time I face the situation. The situation is of course......me.

Yeahhhh! I did it!

I treat weight loss like an addiction. An addiction to food. Everyday On plan is a victory and so far I have 2 under my belt. I'm very proud. Very happy. I don't know what tomorrow holds or even the rest of today for that matter, but I do know that it's possible to make it. I did it Monday and Tuesday. Why not Wednesday? It can be hard, but it WILL be done.

I've really been missing you all!

So it has never in the history of ever taken so much energy for me to get back on track! With this cold snap and me not having a car I've been lacking on my fruits and veggies because I simply don't want to bare the cold to get groceries. My eating habits have been down right horrendous. I weighed in this morning at 248.7 which isn't very far off from where I was when I stopped by my weight has been fluctuating drastically these past twop weeks. I even made it as high as 255 (gasp!). I've also been battling this yucky cold so it's really hard to get it together, but nonetheless I'm not a quitter and I don't give up! This is a journey worth taking!