What brought me back......

  April 8th, 2013 I came home from work early and decided to bleach and dye my fro a sexy red. While

waiting for the bleach to work it's magic I nonchalantly pulled out the scale and weighed myself for shits and giggles. My lovely weight watchers scale informed me that I weighed 289.8 pounds. I looked, shrugged and put the scale back in the closet. Yes that's all I did. I didn't get appalled, angry or even shocked. I continued to bleach and dye my hair. I was in a hurry to meet my family at Texas Roadhouse. *sigh*

  Six days later my five year relationship had come to a much needed, but abrupt halt. Leaving me in a new city, alone, and in anguish. I couldn't eat. Couldn't think straight. Could barely function, then days later I had my wisdom tooth pulled. So still no eating. I don't think I ate more than 500 calories a day for 10 days. I'm not condoning this behavior. I'm just telling you where I was at. I got on the scale and realized I was 269. Yes twenty pounds down in less than two weeks. That 269 lit a fire under me. It was possible to lose weight. I was NOT destined to be the fat girl forever. And from that point I've been back on my journey every since.

 I work out daily. Even if it's only a one mile walk and twenty crunches. Eating is difficult and the scale goes up and down, but I'm committed to a new me. This body is not a prison. As of today I weigh in at 247.1. My monthly goal is 235 by October 1st. I won't give up if I mke it or not. This isn't temporary. This is MY life.

Grazing.

Cows do it and I guess I will too. I have always been one to eat all day. Every few minutes. Or few hours. I felt the need to be chewing, or nibbling or hell even devouring something. That's a part of who I am. It won't change I just have to admit it CAN be an issue and change it slightly.

Hello. My name is Valecia. And I. I am a grazer.

Generally with a day at the restaurant. (I'm a waitress/manager) It's some a pancake, a glass of chocolate milk, some fries (with mayo and hot sauce or ketchup and ranch), chicken strips, or a burger. All day until I go home and say, "Baby...what's for dinner?" Not knowing that I have probably went over my day's allotment of calories before I even punched out and came home. FYI I generally stop at Mrs. Fields' for a cookie or Target for a snickers on my way home from work. It makes my fight with public transportation a bit easier.  Until yesterday.....

So I became conscious of my grazing and realized it was a big part of who I was and I wasn't going to stop it. I was just going to get far better at it. Yesterday morning I got to work a bit early so I could enjoy a bowl of mixed fruit (cantaloupe, honeydew melon, banana slices and red grapes) topped with strawberry go-gurt and a low-fat granola. As the customers came in in droves and waitressing kicked into gear I found myself hungry about two hours later. My choice? Half a cup of fruit. Two hours later? A side salad topped with two ounces of salsa and 2 tablespoons of light ranch. Two more? A bowl of cream of potato soup topped with a light sprinkle of cheddar and a tablespoon of sour cream. With that I had finally made it through the work day. I steered clear of Mrs. Fields and Target for the obvious reasons. I came home and snacked on an apple. When the scary question of dinner arose for me and the beau he immediately said, "Hamburger and fries". Which lit up in my head turkey burger and baked sweet potato fries. Oh and a tasty side salad.

It was a very difficult day but I made it. One day at a time. In a restaurant full of greasiness. I made it as an unhealthy grazer on the pattern to reform. I'm proud of yesterday...now onto today.

A new beginning

260.1 It's a new beginning. It's a number. It doesn't define me or own me. But it is currently what I weigh. It sucks but this number is temporary it will lessen in time. It won't be a fast process, but it will happen 260.1 is just a beginning of an amazing road!

facing the situation...

I stopped blogging here for a few reasons.

• I wanted to lose weight, but I was happy being a plus sized girl. Honestly I have no real life desire to weigh less than 185.
• Most of my followers were past 185 headed to even smaller numbers and I felt lame for not wanting to weigh less than that.
• Real life got in the way.
• I didn't have the stick to it ness
• I was lazy about the weight loss therefore what did I really have to blog about?
• I made myself take on this "I am more than just a number" train of thought that made me actually not give a crap.

Which leads me to the final one.

• I honestly stopped trying

 I am now 29 years old. And as much as I rushed around feeling as if I I had all the time in the world to do all the things I wanted with 30 looming around the corner.....I simply don't. I want happiness, and a family and if I don't control my weight, and health which means controlling my PCOS I will never have babies and never be a mother. Even though I have always claimed I didn't like kids honestly that piece of reality is earth shattering to me. So today I begin the change. Because I want to. Have to. Need to. It's way past time I face the situation. The situation is of course......me.

Weigh-In and other randomness

Happy Turkey day eve everyone! I'm sad to say this might be the last entry this week. My holiday will be spent working at a feverish pace, as I have requested to work six days a week until 2010! Today I'm headed out to spend a little quality time with a quality person (we'll discuss later). I expect another day off in seven days :(


First I'd like to give a big shout-out, high-five and thumbs up to my friends at Chobani! I won a case Chobani greek yogurt (honey flavored)! Which I am currently enjoying this morning w/ Bear Naked FIT in triple berry crunch. Delicious!



Any who on to my weigh-in. I must say I have tried really hard this week. The amount of fruits and veggies I have incorporated into my diet within the past seven days is.....(for lack of a better term) mind0blowing! My new favorite fall fruit is.....the mighty pomegranate and I am damn near addicted to roasted brussel sprouts and acorn squash. All those fruits and veggies helped me stay full longer. Thus eating far less which gave me his beaut to show the public....

sorry for the blurriness, I had to crop out my not too hot toes! Anyway it reads: 247.4! Which is down 1.3 pounds from last week! Ok it's not a staggering amount, but hey it took more than a week to put it on.....I assume it will take more than that to take it off!

Hope you all have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!

When there's a will, there's a weigh

I have been faking myself out for awhile now. Every since I canceled my gym membership I have been working out at home. But how do you know what kind of progress you're making if you don't weigh or measure yourself? The answer is.......you don't. I always knew I was getting in workouts, I knew some days I ate great and others I did not. I knew clothes were fitting differently, but honestly I didn't have a number to connect to the journey. I think at times I was glad I didn't. Reason one: because I have a tendency to go scale crazy. Once I get into my "mode" I can weigh myself upwards of 10 times a day! (I know very unhealthy) and Reason two: I was just too damn cheap to buy a new one. Reason three: I was scared of what it would read. Well I'm not saying I wont have the scale crazy moments I had before, but I'm not cheap and I'm not scared

...and that is the number which is my NEW beginning. Am I overjoyed that that's what I weigh? No it's 26.3 pounds lighter than where I began. Am I saddened by that number? No! It's where I pick up the pieces. It's the number I will look at months from now and beam with pleasure seeing how far I've come.

On a super-off topic I had the most fantastic dinner:

3 oz. of BBQ boneless skinless chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts with parmesan cheese, coconut cashew basmati rice, and acorn squash topped w/ baked cinnamon apple
It might not look that appetizing, but it was delicious!
Lately I've been working six days a week, hopefully I have a chance tomorrow to get in a workout. Take care!

Revamping...a lil more!

Okay things have been a little haywire in my life recently and I must admit that I haven't necessarily been on my game. For a few days I contemplated leaving my beloved weight watchers and last week due to a crazy schedule didn't make it to my meeting. Here me out on this one....I recently hired a personal trainer and he emails me meal plans each day, so I figured why do BOTH? It only took a few days to realize that his meal plans were far harder to stick with than my dear old friends at WW, so I guess I will incorporate his exercise aspects into my life and let weight watchers guide my eating. I must say I have gained a new fondness for the gym. I'm happy to say that I enjoy conquering my 30 minutes on the elliptical (who ever would have thought), I loathe the idea of upper body strength training, but embrace the delayed onset of pain thereafter (I know call me a masochist). I'm sure when I go to my meeting today I will discover some sort of gain...and I'm okay with that. I'm just getting back into the game of working on me. However this is a journey and a fun one. I love how people at work ask me questions about food and exercise....even though I'm the heaviest girl on staff. I really enjoyed the day I made my ex a green monster...and now he talks about them all the time!!! This is a lifestyle change and I'm prepared to embrace it for life.

The nagging fear

I'm scared....scared out of my freaking mind and there's no better way to put it. I have been OP or even UP every day this week. The amount of water I drink almost makes it hard for me to function at work, and the amount of fruits and veggies I eat have almost doubled. My portions are extremely smaller and from afar (or even upclose) for that matter it looks like everything is going right...WRONG!!! HERE'S THE ISSUE...I JUST FEEL HEAVIER!!! Last friday I had a light breakfast and a glass of water and right before my 3 lb. loss weigh in I felt like a complete piggy. So I can't tell if I'm winning or losing until I get on the scale because I just feel this constant weird fullness...even if I eat a kiwifruit and 1/2 a cup of cottage cheese and a water I get that same horrendous nagging fullness I experienced when I'd overindulge on a double bacon burger and fries.....is this normal?? My biggest fear is getting on that scale and having a gain. And right now my body isn't a good indicator of whats going on.

Addictions (not for the hungry or faint hearted)

I believe that every person that has an weight problem has some sort of addiction. Some food that is there trigger food. I have many. Some have been there as long as I can remember, others are things I picked up along the way. So let's get the list started shall we?????


I think the pic and the happiness on my face speaks for itself. I have a hard and I mean HARD time leaving the grocery store or any store for that matter without one. The combo of smooth milk chocolate and creamy peanut butter makes more sense to me than PB & J (don't get it twisted I love those too:) Yep 230 of my calories go to these sinful decadent treats and honestly it's hard to stop.

Then there are the other ones I picked up in life. Working as a high end conference center server I gained a love for all things exotic and decadent. Things I could only have at work or at super great restaurants rarely or just things I didn't ordinarily eat the number one vice was paella.

Paella (IPA: [pa'eʎa]) is a rice dish which originated in the Spanish Autonomous Community of Valencia near lake Albufera, a lagoon in eastern Spain.[1] Spaniards consider paella to be one of their national dishes.
There are three widely known types of paella: Valencian paella (Spanish: paella valenciana), seafood paella (Spanish: paella de marisco) and mixed paella (Spanish: paella mixta); but there are many others as well. Valencian paella consists of white rice, green vegetables, meat, snails, beans and seasoning. Seafood paella replaces meat and snails with seafood and omits beans and green vegetables. Mixed paella is a free-style combination of meat, seafood and sometimes beans.
The varieties of rice used are usually Calasparra[2][3] or Bomba[3]. Other key ingredients include saffron, and olive oil.
This dish has gained considerable popularity throughout most of the Spanish-speaking world, including the Hispanic regions of the United States. It also enjoys moderate popularity throughout Western Europe.


Thanks wikipedia!
anywho, this, Coke Zero, bruschetta on petit toast, giardineria, a great steak, homemade buttermilk ranch dressing, anything that combines mint and chocolate, a good Merlot, a great chardonnay, good Mexican food, and just unabashed food decadence are my trigger points. They immediately bring me to this happy, euphoric state. And then afterwards..it all comes crumbling down.

That's when I start to think and ask myself questions: How long do I really want to be the fat girl? How long do I want to buy my clothes in the higher end of the plus size section? How long do I want to have aches and pains that just aren't common for a 27 year old woman? How long do I want to be UNHEALTHY???

So I struggle with those addictions everyday, because they are the gates that separate me from my healthy body. I'm trying to move closer to my new found loves: roasted zucchini, portobella mushrooms, and eggplant, strawberry yogurt and granola, Greek salads, and egg whites with salsa. My addictions wont stop me from being as thin and healthy as I want to be they will just make getting there that much sweeter.

The reality...

I figured if I really want to show you where I'm headed I guess I have to show you where I am. So here goes nothing *swallow*. This is me at my god sisters wedding. 6/21/08. I was the fattest bridesmaid, and trust me there is NO prize in that, so I had to pride myself on being the funniest and coolest girl in the 26 person wedding party (wasn't hard I have personality). I remember days of being the hungriest person alive so that I could still have to buy a girdle to look nice in my dress. (As you can see by the time the reception kicked off I looked like fat, lumpy, me anyway) But this is where I'm starting this is my before. Every great adventure has a beginning so I'm not ashamed of what my beginning is because I'm too busy seeing the outcome. Don't get it twisted I LOVE me! Don't believe me????? See I think that girl (*cough*) sorry me...is HOT, but I know she can always be hotter